Down-time.

How great it is to have proper lazy down-time. Projects and artistic or internal pursuits are just as taxing as mundane chores and work; it's important to respect that and give yourself rest from them! Rather than go from work, to project, to work, to project... all the time.

Hurray for Stories!

Howl's moving castle. I was so moved, I think I had forgotten what it was like to be moved! I want to love everybody! All it is, is Love! And you don't have to wish you were in the fantasy with Sophie and Calsifur and Hal, the fantasy's real! You just have to Love, it's so easy! I feel like singing!! Glory! Glory! Glory!

Family...

I feel like the people I live with, my family, are a million miles away. It's difficult. I can't communicate to them almost anything at all, because they're so very far away. They're in a different place altogether. The things I see and the things I feel are almost alien to them. In fact, they seem to disagree wholly with everything I see to be true.

It's so hard, because they couldn't, physically, be any closer. I see them behaving in ways around me which I consider to be completely inappropriate – all the time! When I forget how very far away they are, in outlook, it frustrates me to no end, because I can't understand why someone I am with would behave in ways I think are entirely inappropriate. I am with you, so why aren't you seeing things like me?

I know the solution is to move away and be with people who see things more similarly to the way I do; but I don't know how to do that! How could I ever live independently, or communally, without a way to support myself? I can't support myself because of my delicate health.

Maybe when I get better; who knows... maybe it's not so far away.

If they would just wake up to what they're doing and take some responsibility for themselves! Instead of dickering and dodging and lying all the time!

Colleridge

"Fear at my heart, as at a cup,
my life-blood seemed to sip."
...
But love at my heart, as at a well,
my spirit does replenish.

The same thing said over.

Opposites.

Judge not, unless you want to be judged,
You will love your neighbour; you will love yourself.
Do unto others as you would have done to yourself.
Never send for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.


Look at, and you will be gazed upon,
Take; and you will be taken from.
Be bullied, and you will bully.
Drink up; for in time you will be drunk down,
You will be eaten; for you have eaten.


Ask; and you're sure to be asked,
Don't give, unless you will receive.
Support; and you will be supported,
Tell the truth; and you will be told the truth.

Love the other; and you will be loved.

This is absolutsly, relentlessly, inescapably, true.

cleaning computers

Be very careful if you ever decide to clean your keyboard friends! I was very careful with some cotton-wool and some soapy water, and I still managed to roger my keyboard. Perhaps they're best left to welter in their own filth, the dirty things.

I need to get hold of another one now; perhaps you have one I could have?

Hsiling this morning; some sunshine also; the day's looking up!

Monday 25th

A family friend in the village is moving away, I learned today. He has always fixed our computers for us. I wonder what we will do without him... learn about computers ourselves, perhaps.

I want to practice some Greek after writing this, but I feel very tired, so maybe it's not such a good idea.

Can't think of anything else.

(no subject)

I'm lonely this morning. I had a good cry in the fields and now I feel better.
I'm going to persevere with this until I find you, friends, who I know are out there.
Part of my problem is compromising. I really don't want to move an inch with how I feel about things. This makes me feel like I will never find anyone because I'll always be fussy.
That's being honest with myself.
But on the other hand, I have to be honest with other people too. This means telling people how I feel when they ask, instead of lying and saying "very well" when actually I feel miserable at that moment.
We are all human beings and experience the same moods, so we all know what it's like to be happy, and to be unhappy too. So there's no need to be shy about sharing how I feel!
I think if can keep honesty with people in that respect, then it won't matter whether we have hardly anything at all in common.

Thursday Morning

Live Journal is really difficult to use! I don't get notifications when anyone comments so I miss half of them. Every time you load a new page you have to scroll down twice because the screen slips because of the adds.

I'm going to message people instead of commenting, that way I'll know what's going on.

But it's better than Friendsies or Big Friendo. I've had no luck at all with them whatsoever – useless.

Sunshine on your skin

What a great day it was today.

I had the whole day to soak up the spring sunshine; it feels energising. There was some Rhubarb in the garden, it's nice to have a break from oranges.